MATTERS OF THE HEART, RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE – WITH COLLINS C MBAKWE.

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MATTERS OF THE HEART, RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE  – WITH COLLINS C MBAKWE.

Dear Collins,
        My name is Itoro . I’m in my late twenties. I got married two years ago and I have a son. As I write you now, am sick aAnd tired of my marriage. My husband isn’t romantic at all. He often acts cold. Yes, he doesn’t beat me, he tries to cater for the family and he hasn’t given me any reason to believe he he cheats on me. I work too, and I try to support him in every angle.
          As a young woman, I need to be pampered and told many sweet things but my hubby don’t do it. And he hardly satisfies me on bed. Once he ejaculates, he doesn’t care if I reach my orgasm or not. There is a particular man who has been making love advances towards me even before I got married. He is so romantic. He tells me many sweet things even when I have warned him to stop, that I am married . I have never cheated on my husband but when I remember how romantic the guys I dated were during my spinsterhood days or how some of my friends would tell me how romantic their husbands are, I get very upset with my husband.  Most times I force him to watch some movies, to see how romantic a man should be, but all to no avail. And the whole thing is adversely affecting my relationship with him now. Am confused right now as to whether to end this marriage and go to a more romantic man, or to suffer throughout this marriage. Sometimes, I even think of start having extramarital affair, but I really don’t want that. I’m really confused. Please I need your wise counsel .Thanks.

  Reply:
Dear Itoro ,
         I’m pleased with you sharing this in this platform. Some friends of yours might have blown the situation out of proportion and have you gone astray, had you sought advice from them.
         I can understand how you are feeling right now, but please you need to adhere to all I will say to you below. I’m cocksure, they will be of immense help to you.
      Yes, I agree that sex is a conjugal right of every couple. All religions support that sex between couple is a right, first, because through it, procreation which is one of the major essence of marriage is achieved. Another importance of sex among couples is that it helps to strengthen the bond between couples. In our mortal perception, we believe  what is worth doing is worth doing well. In other words, if all religions encourage sex among couples, it is therefore important it is done well. This is where your case comes in.
        Dear Itoro, I’d like to remind you that in times of sexuality, you are probably not the sweetest of the girls your hubby ‘tasted’ during his bachelorhood days. Marriage is not a mere boy girlfriend relationship. It is beyond the sweetness of sex. In marriage, two people of different background, sometimes perception, temperaments and even body chemistry, come together as one.
Itoro dear, if you feel your hubby isn’t as romantic or strong in bed as you want, have you called him and talked to him quietly and respectfully about it? Have you tried to find out with him if there is a medical problem and possible solution as to why he doesn’t satisfy you? If you have not, you have to. You have to let him know in love how you feel, so that both of you can find a panacea to it.
        While you feel bad about this situation, always remember that other women somewhere could find your hubby the way he is now, satisfying in bed. The point am trying to buttress here is that sometimes, it depends on body chemistry. Some women reach their orgasm quickly while some take a longer time. Whichever is the case, talk with him in love about it, if there is no foreseeable  solution, then my dear, you need to live with it – you need to adapt to it. And once you do, you will begin to find him satisfying in bed. In every successful marriage, both parties must sacrifice something , and sacrificing something here, means adjusting to certain things or living with certain things to suit your spouse. Mostly, it is the devil that plants this issue of not satisfying in the minds of many. This has led to many broken homes. The importance of husbands satisfying their partner on bed has been exaggerated over the years. Many people have misplaced their priorities in marriage. Suffice it to say that being satisfied on bed isnt in the first third major reasons of marriage. Regrettably, many people seem to have taken being satisfied on bed the most important thing.
    
   Dear, am very proud of you, for not having cheated on your husband because of this, that would have haunted you for a long time. I’m also happy that you believe in him. From all indication, he is a well disciplined gentleman. What could you have asked for, my dear?
         For your marriage to succeed, don’t ever compare your spouse with other people. Don’t listen to good things some people may come to tell you about their spouses. They maybe telling you things to frustrate you or to make you envious of them. Concentrate on your marriage. OFTEN ADMIT THAT YOU ARE NOT PERFECT JUST LIKE YOUR HUSBAND AND THEREFORE REALISE THAT THERE ARE THINGS ABOUT YOU WHICH YOUR HUSBAND TRIES TO LIVE WITH OR ADJUST TO, JUST  TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE WORK. DO SAME MY DEAR.
      one of those things he tries to live with, could be something pertaining to sexuality. For instance, your husband may have preferred ladies who scream loudly during coitus in his bachelorhood days. Let’s therefore assume that you don’t scream during intercourse with him. What do you say? Do you say he should start flirting because of that? That will be stupidity. See my dear, a man achieving sexual satisfaction does not start and end in ejaculation. So you see, what you have moaning over, he may have felt same about you, but tries to adjust or live with it because he loves you and and wants the marriage to work.
       Again, I’d like to say that until you live with someone as a husband or wife that is when you can tell him. Forget about the sweet things from any other man or those you dated before marriage. Marriage is very different. Your husband is the best, until you marry another and see. Many of those you think are angels now are not better than your husband. You can’t know this fact until you marry them. Please dear, delete every idea of leaving the marriage or having extramarital affair. Just concentrate on your marriage to make it work. Many of those men that appeared better now, didn’t marry you. You saw many of them before you marry. 
      
         
    Also,   don’t use what is performed on stage to compare your husband. You and I know that most actors and actresses who act very romantically on screen are  divorcees.  So, don’t use actions on stage to judge your spouse. Every successful marriage has a secret. The secret of your successful marriage maybe be different from another’s. But if you ask me, the greatest secret to a successful marriage is God. With God in your life, you will easily employ cool dialogue to sort out issues and will certainly be satisfied with your husband’s effort on bed.
       Say me hi to your hubby and lovely bubbly son.
Lots of love
Collins. 

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