MATTERS OF THE HEART, RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE – WITH COLLINS C MBAKWE.

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MATTERS OF THE HEART, RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE  – WITH COLLINS C MBAKWE.

In this column,Mr. Collins Mbakwe,an experienced relationship counselor who has a considerable experience working with young men and women will be attending to the emotional challenges of our readers especially as its affects their love life.You are free to send your queries and questions to his email mbakwec@gmail.com.

Dear Collins,
        My name is Vivian, I’m in my mid twenties and a low paid civil servant. I made up with my former boyfriend late last year and by December we had our firstie and it was just once and I discovered that I’m pregnant for him. I told him about it and he sounded choked up with issues around but slightly happy about it. Later he started giving me attitudes even when I threatened him with abortion; he went worse. The issue currently is that I’m low paid with growing tummy by the day, my supposed boyfriend is not doing anything about me nor the baby (he even care less) plus I don’t know how to tell my people.
What do I do about it pls?
        Reply:
     Dearest Vivian,
           I couldn’t but got overwhelmed with emotion when I received your letter. It’s quite heartrending, but you’ve got to brave it, as that is one of those exigencies of life. Continually mooning over it maybe akin to crying over a spilt milk.

      I’d like to say that you shouldn’t have engaged in premarital sex. You will agree with me that premarital sex is considered a haram in Islam and also frowned at among Christian faithfuls. The consequences of it more often than not adversely affect the female than their male counterparts, hence, it should be avoided.
           Talking about the guy in question, have you seen him face to face since you discovered you were pregnant for him? If you have not, please try meet with him face to face. Some matters are better discussed with both parties bodily present. I can understand you are going through a lot, but I enjoin you not to write him off yet. You said something in your letter, that at first, he showed happiness over the news. Please, try to go close to find out what later changed his mood about the news. I agree, that he is inexcusable for not doing anything positive about the pregnancy – nothing can exonerate him for not caring about you and the pregnancy, I but the ‘deal is already done’. So, you need to be calm and follow it with absolute carefulness and maturity.
             If after seeing him and talking sense into him, he still stands aloof, then involve your family and his, and very importantly, pray often for forgiveness and for God to have his way.  Sometimes like this, the devil tries to cause a lot of confusion and discord that’s why prayer is indispensable here. Remember, ABORTION is not an option. 
          I’ve no iota of doubt that he will in no distant time realise his mistakes and seeks to make amendment. It’s nice he didn’t suggest abortion and didn’t deny the pregnancy. That exhibits some level of maturity and responsibilty in him.  May God make things right. It’s well dearie. 
Lots of love, 
Collins. 
            

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